They say that sex is a great form of exercise. Correct me if I am wrong but 2 minutes 15 seconds once every 3 months will not get rid of my beer belly.

In January this year a guy felt a lump in his neck. Given his past history with cancer, when a big part of his lung was removed, he was worried, so he went to see his GP. She found 4 lumps and referred him to the Hallamshire hospital in Sheffield, they did a CT scan and said a biopsy was needed. So the guy said o'k and 2 samples were taken from his neck. A week later he returned to hospital and was told the biopsy was o'k, no need for treatment. The guy got on with his life.

Fast forward to May 9th, the guy went for an x-ray at Northern General hospital as part of his yearly check up for his previous lung cancer. May 11th went to see his Specialist and was told the x-ray was clear. Great stuff he thought. The doctor then said I see you missed an appointment he said yes I was on holiday, she then said Oh, I thought you were having treatment. Treatment for what he said? Well the results of your biopsy show cancerous cells in your neck. Turns out he was given the results for one of the biopsy tests and not the other which was entered on his records but nobody thought to tell him.

Following another CT scan at Weston Park hospital it was found that the guy had 3 shadows on his lung, several in his neck and in his right shoulder bones. Give them their due the system kicked in and he had 2 radiotherapy sessions on the 16th and 17th of May. The next stage is Chemotherapy starting 1st of June.

Think this is an urban myth? Your opinions please.

I see the lads with the white transit pick up have visited Wales, somebody nicked the roof.
Although they have both passed I know they are watching me, so I apologise to Dad when I say tonight I am my mum's lad.

I tried having a sh1t on a train today.
Nearly fell off the f**king bridge.

Think of a number between 1 and 10.
Now do this very carefully.
Multiply that number by 9.
If you end up with a 2 digit number add the 2 digits together.
Subtract 5 from this number.
Now if A=1, B=2 etc turn the number into a letter.
Think of a country that starts with this letter.
Take the second letter of the country and think of an animal that starts with that letter.
Now think of the the colour of that animal.
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
There are no grey elephants in Denmark.

Spent a very interesting afternoon today at Tissington Hall.
It was at the launch of "Project C" which will be dedicated to "Helping those who have served their Country reclaim their lives".
The number of ex servicepeople that have problems is a big number.
I've got involved on the alcohol side of things.
As mentioned on another forum (Boo Hiss) in Derbyshire the largest number of people returning to Civvi Street are in the Staveley area.
Please have a look at www.projectc.org.
To blow my own trumpet I was sat between Sir Richard Fitzherbert and the Lord Lieutenant of Derbyshire (please call me Bill).
Could not stop tugging my forelock all afternoon.

Premature ejaculator seeks beautilful blonde with massive t1ts, long tanned legs & waxed.............wait...........oh, it doesn't matter.