Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - Alsatian

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 168
Fun Stuff / Anything on your chips?
« on: January 17, 2019, 02:45:08 PM »
"Would you like anything on your chips"

"Does it cost extra?"

"Ten pence"

"I'll have two sausages and a steak pie"

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #11
« on: January 17, 2019, 02:42:46 PM »
Why is a traditional wedding cake 3 tiers?

A man worked in a bakers and he wanted to impress his boss as he had eyes for his daughter.
So he made a 3 tier cake, based on a building he could see in London which had 3 tiers on.

Thankfully it did impress him and he got the blessing from his boss for his daughters hand.

Fun Stuff / A cheap Porsche
« on: January 17, 2019, 08:15:11 AM »
A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money!?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

The parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars!?” they asked.

“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “Don’t know her name — they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my goodness!” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she has sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but I learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #10
« on: January 16, 2019, 11:14:02 AM »
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.

When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon, to show off.

It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "Bring home the bacon."

They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ''chew the fat''. 

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #9
« on: January 16, 2019, 11:13:12 AM »
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.

Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot.

They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat.

They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day.

Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.

Hence the rhyme: ''Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot, nine days old''. 

Fun Stuff / New Years Resolution
« on: January 16, 2019, 08:01:55 AM »
My new year's resolution is no more beer, except on special occasions.

At my age, if I wake up in the morning it feels special!

Fun Stuff / Wine list
« on: January 15, 2019, 04:34:44 PM »

Fun Stuff / Dog memorial
« on: January 15, 2019, 04:32:55 PM »
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #8
« on: January 15, 2019, 12:19:11 PM »
Bread was divided according to status.

Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf.

The family got the middle, and guests got the top.

Hence the  ''The Upper Crust''.

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #7
« on: January 14, 2019, 02:51:58 PM »
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be in England.

 Here are some facts about the 1500s: 

Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June.

However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour.

Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.

The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water,
then all the other sons and men,
then the women, and finally the children.

Last of all the babies.

By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.

Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #6
« on: January 14, 2019, 02:51:17 PM »
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people, so they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave.

When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive.

So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.

Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell;

thus someone could be, ''Saved by the Bell'' or was considered a ''Dead Ringer''.

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #5
« on: January 14, 2019, 02:50:40 PM »
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.

The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.

Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.

They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.

Hence the custom of ''Holding a Wake''.

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #4
« on: January 14, 2019, 02:50:03 PM »
Following on from Intersting facts #2 and #3

Houses with straw roofs, there was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.

The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing.

As the winter wore on they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside.

A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.

Hence: a thresh hold.

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #3
« on: January 14, 2019, 02:49:26 PM »
Following on from Intersting facts #2

Houses with straw roofs, there was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.

This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed.

Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.

That's how canopy beds came into existence. 

Fun Stuff / Interesting fact #2
« on: January 14, 2019, 02:48:44 PM »
Houses that had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath.

It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.

When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.

Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 168