“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all their hopes and dreams. If I did not drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver’. “
Jack Handy
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and pants
-- O --
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
Frank Sinatra
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
-- O –-
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henry Youngman
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.
-- O --
“24 hours in a day – 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!”
Stephen Wright
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing
-- O --
“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven.”
Brian O’Rourke
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
-- O --
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
Benjamin Franklin
Warning: The consumption of alcohol is a major function in dancing like a retard.
-- O --
“ Without question, the greatest invention in he history of mankind is beer. Oh, but I grant you that the wheel was a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
Dave Barry
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over that you love them.
-- O --
“To some it’s a six pack, to me it’s a support group!”
Dave Howell
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
-- O --
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Chavin of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm.
“Well ya see Norm … a herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and the weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Topic: The value of drink (Read 605 times)