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Fun Stuff / For those of you who occasionally indulge!!

« on: January 21, 2012, 12:19:08 PM »

SIX GOLDEN RULES For F***ing:

1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.

2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After F***ing dont eat too much; go for more liquids.

5. Try to do f***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy.

6. F***ing can even reduce your cholestrol level.

SO, REMEMBER ...

FASTING is good for your health.
God bless your Dirty Mind !!!

Fun Stuff / Viennese Graveyard

« on: January 19, 2012, 04:01:39 PM »

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a

sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching

for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming

from a grave with a headstone that reads "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-

1827". Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is

being played backward!

Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to

return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music

has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the

previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they

return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward.

The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse

order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a crowd has gathered

around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being

played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.

Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"I would have thought it was obvious" the caretaker says.............................................

"He's decomposing."

Fun Stuff / Medical Research

« on: January 18, 2012, 04:00:51 PM »

British Medical Association researchers have found
that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit
from receiving CHICKEN BLOOD, rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better....
Just thought you'd like to know.

Fun Stuff / penguin

« on: January 16, 2012, 06:47:10 PM »

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

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"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

Fun Stuff / Chicken

« on: January 13, 2012, 07:56:41 PM »

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
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A: It was stuffed inside Antony Worrall Thompson's jacket!

General Discussion / Oops

« on: January 10, 2012, 07:19:46 PM »

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-11731636

Lucky nobody was hurt.

Fun Stuff / The Wine taster

« on: January 06, 2012, 02:52:45 PM »

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular Taster died, and the Director started looking for a new one to hire.

A retired telephone man, drunk and with a ragged dirty look, came to apply for the position.

The director wondered how to send him away.

They gave him a glass to drink.

The old 'troller' tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."

"That's correct," said the Director. " another glass, please."

"It's a Cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at fifty-eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."

"Absolutely correct, a third glass."

He calmly said, "It's a Pinot blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive, not quite cold enough."

The Director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something.

She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The 'troller tried it.

'It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."

Fun Stuff / Flying Solo

« on: December 30, 2011, 09:23:56 PM »

FLYING SOLO

This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day:
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.

I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it.

I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . "

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