Chesterfield Online Forum

General Category => Fun Stuff => Topic started by: Alsatian on December 20, 2011, 05:47:59 PM

Title: Answering service at the Mental Health Institute
Post by: Alsatian on December 20, 2011, 05:47:59 PM

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."

Title: Re: Answering service at the Mental Health Institute
Post by: simondjuk on December 21, 2011, 08:34:12 AM

 :D :D very good.

How long do you think that would stay on the other Forum without being removed?  :P

Title: Re: Answering service at the Mental Health Institute
Post by: Alsatian on December 21, 2011, 09:08:06 PM

Quote from: simondjuk on December 21, 2011, 08:34:12 AM

:D :D very good.

How long do you think that would stay on the other Forum without being removed?  :P

 ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: Answering service at the Mental Health Institute
Post by: emmz on December 22, 2011, 06:39:27 PM

teehee

Title: Re: Answering service at the Mental Health Institute
Post by: Fly on December 22, 2011, 07:10:07 PM

Always been my argument Simon. It's not what you say.
It's the way you say it, or what you're implying by it.

How's the turkey dinner count going  ;D

Title: Re: Answering service at the Mental Health Institute
Post by: simondjuk on December 22, 2011, 09:14:01 PM

Quote from: Fly on December 22, 2011, 07:10:07 PM

Always been my argument Simon. It's not what you say.
It's the way you say it, or what you're implying by it.

How's the turkey dinner count going  ;D

I think the majority of people know when stuff is joked about.  I personally dont take offence to any of it.  People are entitled to their opinions and views, just because you dont agree, doesnt mean its wrong.  Lifes too short to get p*ssed off with stuff like that.

If this forum stays that way, then long may it last.

Still on 2 dinners, next one on Xmas day.