Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up next to a fat bird who was snoring and farting. At least I got home OK!!
The wife's back on the warpath again she was up for making a home movie last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault, I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night. Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough….once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better. So I thought…Sod it….soldier on.
I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered Wetherspoons serve breakfast until 11.30.
Topic: Sexist Funnies - for men (Read 1016 times)