Glesga Burd

[Alsatian]

N.B. Glesga Burd = Glasgow Girl
 
 
A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.
 
"How many children?" asks the civil servant
 
"10" replies the girl.
 
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
 
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec"
 
 
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
 
"Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the
street, ah gist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO
BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
 
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
civil servant.
 
"aw 'at's easy," says the girl... "A jist yaze thur surnames"
____________
 
A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she
says.
 
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
 
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
____________
 
Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
 
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
 
She says "Gies that rid yin"
 
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
____________
 
A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
 
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
questions?"
 
Girl: "OK"
 
Medic: "What's your name?"
 
Girl: "Morag."
 
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
 
Morag: "Yes."
 
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
 
Morag: "Glesga"
____________
 
A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was
her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the
news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch
yersel'!"
 
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o'
them!"
____________
 
Another Glesga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
 
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
 
Danielle: "Ok."
 
Medic: "Ok the how many fingers have I put up?"
 
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
_________________