A few quickies

[Alsatian]

>Two guys were discussing popular family trends on
>
>sex, marriage, and values.
>
>Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got
>
>married, Did you?"
>
>Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden
>
>name?"
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad,
>
>where did all of my  intelligence come from?"
>
>The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it
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>from your mother, cause I  still have mine"
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very
>
>carefully," the divorce Court  Judge said, "And I've decided to give
>
>your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said.
>
>"And every now and
>
>then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
>
>like  the looks of your wife at all.  "Me neither doc," said the husband.
>
>"But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
>
>remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The
>Wizard
>
>says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were
>used to
>
>put the curse on you.
>
>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
>
>1. All the DNA is the same.
>
>2. There are no dental records.
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you
>
>tell me how long it'll take  to fly from San Francisco to New York
>
>City?"
>
>The agent replies, "Just a minute."
>
>"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
>
>"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
>
>"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
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>"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
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>"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
>
>
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
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>feeling.
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>"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word
>
>the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
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>"What did he say," asked the nurse.
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>"OOPS!"
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
>
>While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
>
>of  bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
>since I
>
>had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
>
>husband's advice.
>
>"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini
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>or an all-in-one?"
>
>"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get
>
>it all in one.