Smart one-liners

[Alsatian]

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.   

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.   

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.   

Smoking areas in restaurants are like peeing areas in swimming pools.   

Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!   

I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that.   

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit   

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.   

Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.   

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.   

Here I am! What are your other two wishes?   

To err is human. To forgive is against company policy.
   
Failure is not an option. It's bundled with your software.
   
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.