I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest pen** she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg."
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine check-up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my backside!
Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says,
"What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I have been to St Vinnie’s to get all of her clothes back.
You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A mate of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a moustache."
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said "can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!"
Next thing I know 4,000 f**king Muslims have added me as a friend!
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway
Please read with an open mind. Not sorry if I've offended anyone
Topic: Unacceptable Humour (Read 730 times)