Rude jokes, be warned. May contain humour and swearing.

[Fly]

Stole these off facebook 

ONE
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

TWO
People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

THREE
When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

FOUR
When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

FIVE
When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No tosser, I paid 10 bucks to come to the movies and stare at the fucking floor.

SIX
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

SEVEN
When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

EIGHT
When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fuckin does!! What can you do that's longer?

NINE
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?

TEN
People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears,

ELEVEN
When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

TWELVE
People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

THIRTEEN
McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks..........Well, I'll get a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fuckin McTosser.

FOURTEEN
When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off

[Pete]

Love number four..

Very funny.

[Fly]

Number 10 cracked me up 

Probably not for the first time in my life 

[simondjuk]

hmm Fly, where did those come froM... 

[Fly]

Fly: Stole these off facebook 

Just checking who's looking at the forum   
Yes, from your wall 

[simondjuk]

I look almost daily but dont post as much.

A lot is stuff I have no opinion on or dont know enough about 

[Fly]

Cheers for looking anyway Simon. 
You've got my mobile if you need me for owt mate. 

[simondjuk]

Thanks.

Dont get me wrong, I do like this forum, I sometimes think its above my head with some stuff people go on about, so I dont bother commenting.  I do read a lot of the threads though, some of you have a wicked sense of humour. 

[Old Cruser]

Simon - maybe we need a kick start for other topics.

Always good to have threads started which interest you or any other member