21. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
22. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
23. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
24. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
25. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
26. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
27. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
28. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
29. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
30. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
31. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
32. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
33. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
34. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
35. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
36. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
37. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
38. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
39. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
40. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Topic: 20 more one-liners (Read 880 times)